thelovelybells

So in less than 2 weeks I leave. I'm so excited for it I can hardly sit still, and yet. I'm partially terrified I think. I know I'm going to be fine. I know I'll make lots of friends and do well in my classes. But I never do very well with transitions. And this isn't just a transition, its HUGE. My whole sleep schedule is messed up, and my mom has me running about every day with another list of errands to run. I just don't know what I'm doing. I leave in 12 days and I'm certainly no where near ready...as far as packing and everything I need goes. Emotionally? Mentally? Don't even get me started. I haven't seen any of my friends, I feel disconnected from everything. And I guess that makes sense as well, since we are becoming disconnected. Going to different schools in different parts of the country. I just. I Don't feel good right now, and there's no reason why I shouldn't. I don't feel sick, but just...troubled, I suppose. My parents don't get it...then again it isn't like I've told them. But I don't know what to do about the face that I have this weekend. then next week. then next weekend. and I leave wednesday. I'm gone. It's not even so much the leaving, I think. Its more along the lines of I know once I'm there, I'm pretty much stuck (not having a car).

It's a little disconcerting feeling as though you're getting trapped in at a time when I should be feeling more free than ever.

http://www.goodreads.com/author/quotes/11781.Alan_Bennett

JANUARY FIRST, 2009.

ONE THIRTY SIX AM. REMEMBER THIS.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS!

I'm watching P.S. I Love You which i LOVE, but makes me so sad. I miss ben a heck of a lot now, specially since I'm watching this. but he'as at Winter board meeting, so I won't get to talk to him for a while. I could text, but I really don't wanna be the irritating gf who wont stop bothering him. but I miss him. I did see him on sunday. It still seems like its been sooo long.

Friday is Winter Kallah. I can't believe it's been a year already. That went by sooo quickly. I can't wait for it though. I'm gonna watch this movie now.

1. Giggity Giggity.

2. MT?

3. Prom date by may 15th

4. AP Calc: beast?

5. Meryl party!
5a. Hookah

6. Sex shop (ben goldstein)
6a boom.

7. Have an incredibly productive independent study.

8. Go to college.

9. Ditch the bitch. (aka leave the U.S.)

10. Organize summer abroad pictures into albums

11. K.I.T. with NFTY loves.

12. Read all 7 Harry Potter books in order no stopping.

13. Party with David Wecht.

14. Get fit again!
14a. do triathalon again.

15. Be rebellious.

16. Dye my hair.

17. See a broadway show.

18. See Dan Chauveau.

19. Have a birthday party.

20. Brazilian.
20a. laser hair removeal? (dunno about this one...)

21. Black dude.

22. Tiramisu
22a. Penis Pasta

23. Give a random person your number.

24. Spanish music.

25. Tat?

26. Learn to mix drinks. Then create your own.

27. Blind date.

28. Become more flexible (physically).

29. Drink more tea than coffee.

30. Learn Tap.
30a. When that fails, take classes in some dance form.

will be editted as things come to me.

so much going on....still trying to work through it all...

I'll get back to it when I've figured it out.

I'M OFF TO GESHER! Kunkletown, PA for the rest of the week. Have a good one ya'll. see ya on the flip side ♥

so I'm in the library after leaving photo 45 mins early ("I haven't got any more pictures left to edit tlanz, so I'm gonna go work in the library" he was cool with that).

except, now that I'm here, I haven't got any interest in working. I've gotta revise my 10-pg term paper for history for tomorrow, pick and research some famous spanish person for el proyecto final para mi clase de espanol AP (and bring in the crap, not just say I've done it (since clearly I wouldn't have) stupid finky.), write an analytical essay on the book Water For Elephants for english for tomorrow.

then the RIDICULOUSly long lab report on antacids and their moles/dose and the cost/mole and which of the ones tested are the most effective based on those numbers. PLUS the revisions for the trig test (which were assigned in february), the revisions for the first calc limits test, and then the homework on derivatives of trig functions.

I HATE SCHOOL.

This year's work has TOTALLY crept up and bit me HARD in the ass. It was actually rather easy for a while there, but now? fucking hell.

Plus I should go see the Crucible (fresh/soph play) sometime this weekend, and there's Madam Butterfly playing downtown AND I have Alyssa's graduation party on sunday evening AND I have to go help lead the graduation service from the BHC high school program.


NOT TO MENTION FINDING A FUCKIN PROM DATE D:

good lord I don't know how on earth I'm gonna get through it.

off to disappear for a while now...be back in june probably, if not sooner to rant again.

♥

maaan is school ridiculous right now.

every always said second semester junior year would SUCK ASS.
guess what? IT DOES.

ugh.

on another note, auditions for everything for next year are this week and next.

Yesterday, I trying out for eightnotes, which is the all-female, a capella singing group at school. I think I did ok, but I don't really know...

Then next monday at x-block, I audition for Macbeth, the spring production, and fall semester english elective that leads into the spring semester class/show.

and then on wednesday I audition for the Wizard of Oz.
YES THATS RIGHT, WE'RE DOING THE WIZARD OF OZ!
I'd LOVE to get to be dorothy, but since this will only be my second year in the production, I probably will still get a lead, but just not her. one of my classmates lisa will be doing her third year of production, so she's probably going to get it. I don't think she's really the best for the part...she can act certainly, but for so much of it, her acting is very obvious as being that: acting. I don't know, its just my opinion...

thats about all I got going on for now. beyond exhausted still from last weekends kallah, but still soo glad I went.

sometime within the next week or so I'll make a post detailing everything that was passed down to me, but for now...its definitely NAPTIME!

ciao

can't remember what number I left off on so..without numbers:

-start an x-block activity (COOKIE CLUB ANYONE?)

-lead more than just mock trial

- GET A MAJOR PART IN WIZARD OF OZ!

OF THINGS TO DO BEFORE I LEAVE PARK (to be added to as ideas arise):

1. Tell either Elliot or Lobo I find them EXTREMELY attractive to their face.

2. make out with someone in one of the practice rooms in the basement of the arts center....NOT simply at the bottom of the stairwell under the stairs.

3. completely dominate the spanish final.

4. have a better sense of what the fuck I want to do with my life.

5. Visit Kiki in Egypt.


more to come...

WAHOO! THE SEMESTER IS OVER!

now time for immersion week! Project Runway at Park. Thats right, I'm signed up to learn how to fit clothes and embellish and do all the other crazy awesome stuff they do on PROJECT RUNWAY (which by the way, so sad last night Kit was sooo cool)

but before all that can happen, I have mock trial ALL FREAKIN DAY today.

130-330 rehearsal/practice.
4-630/645....

( five minutes later, after a short phone call)
just found out that because of the SNOW!!!! mock trial's postponed until TUESDAY which means I have all GLORIOUS day long to do whatever I may please!!!

perhaps I'll see if Dan is availible.
hmm.

still have test prep tonight, but thats ok, its not till 630.
what to do what to do?

so on thursday I get to class to find out theres an all school assembly going to take place.

We find out that that last wednesday night there was a house fire at the house of someone who goes to the school. The mother was fine, the father was in shock trauma in critical condition. The son, who's my age and in my chem class was critically injured and on life support. and the youngest daughter who was 11 years old died.

needless to say classes for thursday and friday were rather subdued.

Then yesterday morning I come home from an event at BHC to an email that said the guy my age had died. Classes are suspended for monday, with an assembly and meetings to take their place.

I have NO IDEA what to feel. Certainly sad, but I didn't know him so well. I certainly would call him a friend, but I don't know if I ever spent any time with him outside of class. I know how torn up a lot of my friends were on thursday and friday when he was simply hurt. I don't know how I can go into school tomorrow not looking at all as if it's affected me. I know I tend to bottle things up and don't show emotion..especially hurt/sadness much, but can I really show up looking for all the world is just fine. I just don't know what to do.

I WANT DAN BACK D:

eeeh! today was the first day of fall kal which ive only been waiting for since about APRIL. it was soooo freakin awesome to get to see my lovelies again its been soo long..and I got there a little late cuz I had KMK practice and I basically got mobbed by everyone it was sooo nice to feel so loved! oooh and we have three girls staying at our house for the weekend...ones rather obnoxious and I kinda don't like..but she's like 3 years younger and that much is really rather obvious...the other two are awesome to the max!!!!!

SIX DAYS TILL KMK part the first. oyyyyyyyyyyy...five and six hour rehearsals ARE NOT FUN. ever.

well LOVED the ep, but ever since it ended, I've been on some sorta chat with the chem prof and a bunch of the kids in my class trying to work out what the hell this stuff is talking about... what a nightmare. and between chorus during G block and MT tryouts during X block, theres NO TIME to study tomorrow. thank goodness I've got all the rest of my work done already...

so for the weekend:

Chem - Reactivity lab write up
Chem - revise chemical/physical changes lab
Spanish - make powerpoint about subjunctive
Spanish - finish writing the cuento using a recipe like como agua para chocolate
history - actually finish writing the McCarthy essay
satire - start working on the portfolio

not to mention play practice..oy.

NOTE TO SELF: FITTING FOR GENERAL'S AIDE-3PM TOMORROW, FITTING FOR BIANCA-3PM MONDAY


night all!

YAYZ! supernatural tonight. and then Big Shots, though I will be missing that to study for a chem test tomorrow..ugh.

remind me why again we're studying the beginnings of quantum physics in accelerated chemistry? wonderful..

production rehearsals are FANTASTIC. so much utter and complete love i have for the show. and the dances..HA. make me wanna stop eating everything from now until the show premieres cuz of all the lifts and such...


SPN ON BYEEZ

Nothing super exciting for this weekend to report. Watched notes on a scandal last night with my parents. WOW. just WOW. Such a great movie. Judi Dench's character bothered me a little since I see her as being such a strong woman (though that may be since the majority of movies I've seen her in are Bond pictures), but for the character she played, she did a FANTASTIC job. It stuck me how..well, not similar, but related for sure, Cate Blanchett's character and I am. Interested in the younger guy...trying to keep it secret...knowing how much trouble you could get into if it came out...hmm.

I found out last night that I missed a mock trial meeting during x-block(lunch period) on friday since the trip to Choralfest (*rolls eyes*) didn't get back until about 1:25. Not a great thing since I was made a captain for next year (OHSOCOOL)

The cast list for the production goes up tomorrow..Kiss Me Kate. I know I'm almost definitely not going to get a lead (since there are soooo many people who will be seniors next year who get priority since its their last year), but I do hope I get at least a couple of lines, or are in a bunch of scenes, even if I don't get lines in them.

Oh and I saw Sweet Charity yesterday afternoon. It was a pretty good show all around, but Molly Ringwald couldn't dance for anything. This was fairly distracting since much of the show is dancing. They seemed to try and make up for it by having a lot of company dance numbers without her, but they just didn't really seem to fit into the plot...at all. Or when she had to dance and there were more than just her dancing, she would be in the back of the pack so as to try and take attention off of her. She also had this dress on that was red (so the color was good for her) but just didn't complement her body shape AT ALLLL. And in scenes where they tried to have her in the back to get attention off of her, it NEVER worked cause that bright red dress just popped out in every scene. She also never had a costume change which struck me as weird since the show is supposedly taking place over a few weeks or months or so....

Anyways, lunch just got home....fresh bagels! SCORE!